Dear Santa

[Haul Asp]

Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.

Santa

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Dear Santa,
I've been a good girl all year & the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa
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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas I'd like for my mommy & daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.

Santa
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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, GI Joe, a dog, a drum kit, a pony & a tuba.
Love Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis"? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with Barbie.

Santa
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Dear Santa,
I left milk & cookies for you under the tree & carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the the shits, and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to do me a favor? Leave a bottle of Scotch.

Santa
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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
The toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of
my time making low budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly & squeezing the butts of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.

Santa
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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? I'm skipping your house.

Santa
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Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please,PLEASE,PLEASE could I have one?
Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whinny begging crap may work with your folks, but not with me. You're
getting a sweater. Again.

Santa
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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low rent, section 8 apartment. Third, I get in your pad like the boogieman does...through your bedroom window.

Sweet dreams,
Santa

[chrish]

Originally Posted by Haul Asp

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low rent, section 8 apartment. Third, I get in your pad like the boogieman does...through your bedroom window.

Sweet dreams,
Santa

My kind of Santa!